Conviction Over Contradiction

Asking the LORD for wisdom and guidance through my journey of uncertainty, seeking direction on my next step, knocking on people's minds, how they know the LORD, I pondered.

"Am I a part of His church?"

The times when the Holy Spirit clearly tells me what to do. Finding every stepping stone that has been laid for me, yet I chose not to stride forward, a LORD who answers every question I have asked, yet I kept Him shut. Sleeplessness nights knowing I have sinned against Him. A sin worse than a non-believer despite knowing what to say but chose not to due to cowardice and narcissism.

And then, reality hit me. 

After a 5 year hiatus, I decided to login to an old messaging app I used to frequent in. Connecting with gamers who do not know the LORD. A place where crude humor runs rampant, breakless vessels running at a speed of light and wickedness, a place where the devil flourishes and a killswitch centimeters away.

A former friend of mine from Finland, who is a year younger than I am took his own life 6 years ago—shouts my group history. 

A huge opportunity that was missed proclaiming the gospel, knowing that there is a loving God but primarily a Holy God that proceeds judgement that we all deserve, but Christ chose to give mercy to all His children. To those He love and to those who love Him.

A huge regret. A normal day that was passing by. When everything goes through our daily routine until we hear that someone we know has died. In flesh and in spirit. A regret that exceeds through eternity, realizing that we know the truth, blood in our hands, that we must deny ourselves, repent and turn from our wicked ways and live according to His will. To love Him as criers of the good news. And we chose to sit on our cozy loft because we do not love Him, we only know Him by the way people tell us to whom we chose to listen to, only for Him to serve us and not to serve Him. A wishing well that grants our every wish believing that la la land happens tomorrow. Because our love of sin is greater than His love, but His forgiveness know's no bounds if we confess and turn around from our foolish ways.

Repentance does not seem like a gift until it is taken away. 

Eitherway, acceptance or rejection, love or hate, joy nor sorrow, peace nor warfare with our peers, the truth always comes out and the truth prevails.

This truth is our LORD and Savior Himself. Our LORD and Savior JESUS CHRIST.

Heb 9:27 KJV And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: